Phone messages.
Byline: Brian Hicks

May 4--It was not exactly the best time for the phone to announce that you're "a playa."

Margaret Sanders was in a "snooty' boutique being fitted for white gloves, her hands indisposed, when her cell phone began to rap to the decidedly mature tune of Too Short's "I'm a Playa.'

"I'm really not a player at all," the College of Charleston freshman explained, still a little red from the experience. "I just like the beat."

Adding to her great embarrassment, a friend in a dressing room found this all so hysterical that she kept dialing Sanders' phone -- over and over.

I'm a player and I'm playin' jus' the bass.

I'm a player and I'm playin' jus' the bass.

(That's about all we can share with you and maintain a G rating.)

These days, your cell phone ring tone is as much a part of your identity as the way you dress.

If your phone rings to the tune of Nickelback's "Rockstar," it says something completely different about you than if you answer the call of Henry Mancini's "Pink Panther" theme or, say, "Do You Really Want to Hurt Me?' from Culture Club.

Ring tones have become such cultural statements that Billboard Magazine has added a weekly Top 40 ring tones chart.

This week, Rascal Flatts' "What Hurts the Most" is the No. 1 ring tone in the country. The list also includes the "Super Mario Bros. Theme," which has been on the charts for 132 weeks, and The Black Eyed Peas' "My Humps," which apparently is a contemporary retelling of the children's classic Humpty Dumpty.

"When you hear someone's ring tone, you can tell something about them," says Katheryn Reina, a College of Charleston student from Tampa, Fla.

Her phone plays John Mayer's "Waiting for the World to Change." Well, is she waiting?

"Kinda," she says.

Ring tones can be helpful or annoying. Who doesn't have a co-worker whose phone plays music that gets on your nerves? Somewhere, someone is about to be killed over the theme from "Ghostbusters." Who ya gonna call, indeed.

Sometimes your choice of rings says something about the people who call you. A lot of phones can be programmed with different rings for different numbers.

"It plays a slow groove when my boyfriend calls, and I've got some gospel song going on when my grandma calls," says Ardashia Peay. "When my phone says "Pick up the phone,' I never answer. I can't say who that is."

Of course, all this technology is wasted on today's music. About 25 years ago there was music much more appropriate to announce calls. Beyonce? Please. How about "Call Me" by Blondie, "Who Can It Be Now?" by Men at Work, or "Comfortably Numb" by Pink Floyd.

Hello, hello, hello, is there anybody in there?

But alas, today one of the most popular ring tones is T-Pain's "Buy U a Drank," the story of a couple that meets by happenstance in a drinking establishment. In the song, the man mentions that he would like to show the woman where he lives. Upon arriving there, he suggests they drink alcohol to forget what is about to transpire.

Leroy Jamison of Goose Creek has T-Pain in his phone at the moment. The College of Charleston sophomore says his phone once crooned this romantic ditty during a test. The professor, however, did not protest.

"She just looked at me," Jamison says. "I turned it off.'

One day, years from now, your therapist will not only ask how you feel, but what your phone says. It will cause many people to stop, look deep inside themselves and ask exactly why they thought it was a good idea to have their phone ring to the Allman Brothers' "Tied to the Whippin' Post."

But Trevor Bowman has no such trouble understanding the subliminal messages. His phone plays "Don't Tread on Me" by 311, and he knows exactly why.

"Because I'm a bad---," Bowman jokes.