Who's the Lord of the ringtones?
From Irish Independent

God be with the days when phones just went 'ring! ring!' in a monotonous tone when somebody was calling. Now it's likely to play the theme tune toChitty ChittyBang Bang orBat Out of Hell by Meatloaf.

If the sound of other people's mobile phones drives you mad, it may be time to cover your ears or emigrate to the continent. The music industry is turning the teen and pre-teencraze for mobile ringtones into its most promising money-spinner of the new century. Thefirst official pop chart based on mobile phone ringtones has been launched in Britain; andVodafone says it plans to launch its own chart for mobile rings here. The days when a phone ring merely informed you someone was calling appear to be numbered.

Grumpy old men can only grit their teeth. The average train carriage or office alreadysounds like a dissonant polyphonic disco playing tinny versions of quirky anthems. Thelatest ringtone has become an essential sign of playground cool among children whohave abandoned record shops in droves.

Eamon, the New York R&B singer, was the first to top the British ringtone chart with his charmingly-named ditty,F*** It (I Don't Want You Back). This is also the year's best-selling CD single so far. According to Vodafone, its top seller in Ireland isComewith Me by Special D withF*** It also hugely popular at No 3. What would AlexanderBell, the inventor of the phone, have made of it all?

"The ringtone has become the ultimate fashion statement for many young people," saysCara Twohig of Vodafone. "It's a way of announcing your personal preferences to the world."

Some preferences may only cause confusion and possible mayhem. Phone users cannow even use the sounds of yapping dogs and roaring tigers as their ringtones. They could be useful if you have burglars, but disruptive on public transport.

Although Irish sales are dominated by newfangled hip hop and R'n'B artists, other surprise bestsellers includeThe Fields of Athenry, Eye of the Tiger by Survivor andSummer of '69 by Bryan Adams.

The popularity of ringtones has also given an unexpected boost to composers of popularfilm and TV themes such asStarsky and Hutch, The Muppets and, morealarmingly, the music fromThe Benny Hill Show.