Ring a song of six pence, pocketful of bucks
By Sachin Kalbag

One person’s ringtone is another’s migraine. Around four years ago, ringtones were humble and utterly boring. If you were adventurous, you could pick a jazz or a rock tune created by music-minded engineers at the manufacturing plant. Someone really wacky or a dedicated party animal would even have an Arabian Nights tune.

Then 2002 happened, and a new ringtone revolution began. At a premium, too. Trendy cell-phone owners, wanting to be ahead of the competition, began downloading new ring tones from the internet at Rs 7 per ringtone then, to around Rs 10 per ringtone now. With some cellular operators and websites specialising in mobile services, it is around Rs 15. If the 1990s played havoc with reverse horns in cars becoming Public Irritation No 1, in the first decade of the 21st century, that honour must go to cellphone ringtones now.

You could be forgiven if you think that, just like Japanese schoolgirls — the world’s undisputed champions when it comes to adopting senseless fads driven by technology and fashion — Indian college students are driving the Ringtone Economy (and simultaneously the rest, up the wall.) Wrong. The bane of polyphonic technology cuts across all age groups. So you are as likely to hear the nerve-wracking ‘Laughing Baby’ or ‘Bheege Honth Tere’ ringtone at your workplace as you are at any random college of your choice.

The trouble with the Ringtone Economy in India is that it is like the fruits of Dr Manmohan Singh’s liberalisation policies post-1991 — it has created a country of haves and have-nots, with the ‘haves’ showing complete disregard for the have-nots. The have-nots may protest at the, well, polyphonic cacophony, but they are terribly outnumbered by the haves. It is like a battalion of ants marching towards a prey. The prey could be a 40-ft long anaconda, but it stands no chance against millions of marauding army ants with only mission — the destruction of the prey and survival of its species. Your neighbour in office will soon be joined by 10 others to mentally maul you with their favourite song. Music was never so disharmonious.

General purpose websites that allow ringtone downloads privately admit that, around 20 per cent of their revenue is generated from this service. Airtel even got music maestro A R Rahman to compose a tone for its subscribers. And since Airtel is one of India’s biggest advertisers, the ringtone hits us with so much ferocity at every TV commercial break that we could soon be led to believe that the Airtel tone is our national song.

The victims of the Ringtone Economy want to protest and regain their sanity lost to the polyphony of their neighbour’s cellphone blurting out Dus bahane. But, honestly, the Ringtone Economy is so loud, the victims’ voices inevitably fade into oblivion. Forever.