Submitted by: HughNilsen
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Release Date: Jul 3rd, 2007
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It was Chanukah and the Tiny Village was in fear of not having any latkes
because they had run out of flour. Rudi, the Rabbi was called upon to help
solve the problem. He said, "Don't worry. You can substitute matzo meal for the
flour and the latkes will be just as delicious!"
Sheila looks to her husband and says, "Morty...you think it'll work?"
"Of course! As everybody knows...Rudolph, the Reb, knows grain, dear!""
I was travelling to Seattle on business. Knowing how the weather is up there
(and lacking the proper clothing), I went to a local outdoor shop for a
inclement weather clothing. Not finding what I was looking for, I went to
another. Then another. Finally, a salesman suggested that I go to Rudolph's.
"Rudolph's?" I said, surprised. "Do you mean the Russian specialty store?"
To which the salesman answered, "Rudolph the Red knows rain gear."
(By Dave Christian)
Once Horace Gold [my editor] went too far. He rejected a story of mine which he
called "meretricious." The word is from the Latin meretrix, meaning
"prostitute," so that the implication was that I was prostituting my talent and
was writing a bad story that would get by on my name alone because I was too
lazy to write a good one. (This was not true, by the way. This particular story
was sold elsewhere and received considerable acclaim.)
Swallowing my annoyance, I said mildly, "What was that word you used?"
Obviously proud at knowing a word he felt I didn't know, Horace enunciated
Whereupon I said, "And a Happy New Year to you."
(By Isaac Asimov)
This weekend while shopping in a local toy store, I came across a long line of
people waiting for a promised shipment of dolls from Mattel. As I scanned the
line, I noticed a friend waiting with all the others. I knew my friend had no
daughters or young relatives, so I figured he must like the dolls himself.
"Bill," I said going up to him, "I didn't know you were a collector!"
"I'm not," he replied.
"Oh," I said, "You're buying a gift, then."
"No, not at all," my friend responded.
"If you don't mind my asking then Bill," I said, "Why are you standing in this
"Oh that," he answered. "It's like this," my friend stated, . . ."I've never
been able to resist a barbie queue!"
Little Wendy is in line to see Santa. When it's her turn, she climbs up on
Santa's lap. Santa asks, "What would you like Santa to bring you for Christmas"?
Little Wendy replies, "I want a Barbie and G.I. Joe".
Santa looks at the little girl for a moment and says, "I thought Barbie comes
"No", said Wendy, "She comes with G.I. Joe, she fakes it with Ken"