Audio4fun Community Audio Community
Every day a new tone for your mobile phone
Home | Media Morphers | Community | Promotion | Forum | Holiday | Online Game Chat | Music | Add-ons | Funny Ringtones | Funny Stuff | Funny Sounds
Delicious
Editor's Choice
Funny Stuff
Funny ringtones
Funny sounds
Funny audio clips
Funny jokes
Funny flashes
Funny pictures
Funny Video
Music
Funny song parodies
Morphed songs
Free remix songs
Tutorials for Music Morpher
Community
VIP Store
Add-ons
Parody Voices
Astrology
Online Dating
Archive
--> -->
Add this page to your favorite Social Bookmarking websites: Facebook! TwitThis! Digg! Delicious

Get all the new funny stuff emailed each day

New funny stuff
Dilbert-Like Quotes [Add Comment]
 
Submitted by:  ashwipe
Total Views:  4239
Release Date:  Jul 4th, 2007
Rating:  No Rated | 0 rate(s)

A magazine recently ran a "Dilbert quotes" contest. They were looking for people to submit quotes from their real life Dilbert-type managers. Here are some of the submissions:


1. As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday and employees will receive their cards in two weeks. (This was the winning quote from Fred Dales at Microsoft Corp in Redmond, WA.)


2. What I need is a list of specific unknown problems we will encounter. (Lykes Lines Shipping)


3. E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business. (Accounting manager, Electric Boat Company)


4. This project is so important, we can't let things that are more important interfere with it. (Advertising/Marketing manager, United Parcel Service)


5. Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule. No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We've been working on it for months. Now, go act busy for a few weeks and I'll let you know when it's time to tell them. (R&D supervisor, Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing/3M Corp.)


6. My Boss spent the entire weekend retyping a 25-page proposal that only needed corrections. She claims the disk I gave her was damaged and she couldn't edit it. The disk I gave her was write-protected. (CIO of Dell Computers)


7. Quote from the Boss: "Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say."(Marketing executive, Citrix Corporation)


8. "How About Friday?" My sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled for Monday. When I told my Boss, he said she died so that I would have to miss work on the busiest day of the year. He then asked if we could change her burial to Friday. He said, "That would be better for me." (Shipping executive, FTD Florists)


9. "We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going to discuss it with the employees." (Switching supervisor, AT&T Long Lines Division)


10. We recently received a memo from senior management saying: "This is to inform you that a memo will be issued today regarding the subject mentioned above." (Microsoft, Legal Affairs Division)


10. One day my Boss asked me to submit a status report to him concerning a project I was working on. I asked him if tomorrow would be soon enough. He said "If I wanted it tomorrow, I would have waited until tomorrow to ask for it!" (New business manager,Hallmark Greeting Cards.)


11. Speaking the Same Language: As director of communications, I was asked to prepare a memo reviewing our company's training programs and materials. In the body of the memo one of the sentences mentioned the "pedagogical approach" used by one of the training manuals. The day after I routed the memo to the executive committee, I was called into the HR director's office, and told that the executive vice president wanted me out of the building by lunch. Finally he showed me her copy of the memo, with her demand that I be fired - and a word circled in red. The HR manager was fairly reasonable, and once he looked the word up in his dictionary, and made a copy of the definition to send back to her, he told me not to worry. He would take care of it. Two days later a memo to the entire staff came out directing us that no words which could not be found in the local Sunday newspaper could be used in company memos. A month later, I resigned. In accordance with company policy, I created my resignation memo by pasting words together from the Sunday paper. (Taco Bell Corporation)


12. This gem is the closing paragraph of a nationally-circulated memo from a large communications company: "(Company name) is endeavorily determined to promote constant attention on current procedures of transacting business focusing emphasis on innovative ways to better, if not supersede, the expectations of quality!" (Lucent Technologies)
 
Tags:
Comment:  1 [Add Comment]
Submission! (by blackrose, Jul 13th, 2007)
Finally what I work for?
 
Share your funny jokes with us and your friends as well. It's very easy. Just upload here.
 
See other funny jokes:
Special offers: coupons, bonus for MP3 Player, media morpher, and voice changer purchasers Dinosaur bones Some tourists in the Chicago Museum of Natural History are marveling at the dino...
Total Views:  1056;
Special offers: coupons, bonus for MP3 Player, media morpher, and voice changer purchasers Economist Valentines Top economist Valentine's Day cards 4. You raise my interest rate thirty basi...
Total Views:  1329;
Special offers: coupons, bonus for MP3 Player, media morpher, and voice changer purchasers Lawyer Good News "I have good news and bad news," the defense lawyer says to his client...
Total Views:  1030;
Special offers: coupons, bonus for MP3 Player, media morpher, and voice changer purchasers Expensive popcorn For the first time in many years, an old man traveled from his rural town to the...
Total Views:  1119;
Special offers: coupons, bonus for MP3 Player, media morpher, and voice changer purchasers Buying your ticket Three engineers and three accountants are traveling by train to a conference. At...
Total Views:  1724;
Special offers: coupons, bonus for MP3 Player, media morpher, and voice changer purchasers The Crowded Store It was the day of the big sale. Rumors of the sale (and some advertising in the ...
Total Views:  1205;
  More business jokes...

Other categories:
  Top 5 views   Celebrities jokes (21)
  Christmas jokes (251)   Clean jokes (33)
  Computer jokes (4)   Condom jokes (4)
  Crazy jokes (73)   Dirty jokes (255)
  Drunk jokes (4)   Family jokes (126)
  Food jokes (6)   More categories...
 
AV Voice Changer Software Diamond AV Music Morpher Gold AV Video Morpher AV Webcam Morpher
$99.95 $99.95 $49.95 - $14.99 $49.95

Field: Category:    

Voice changer software
Tell friends
Newsletter

Get all the new funny stuff emailed each day


New funny stuff
Home | Voice over for PC | Media Morphers | Community | Promotion | Forum | Holiday | Astrology | Smart Updates | Online Game Chat
Music | Funny Ringtones | Funny Stuff | Funny Sounds | Funny Song Parodies | Morphed Songs | Remix Songs | Funny Audio Clips